Ten Signs of Suburban Matron Syndrome

Suburban Matron Syndrome* attacks primarily educated white women (most writing groups are so constituted) age 40 or over (most writing groups are so constituted; the average age of a Writer's Digest subscriber is 53). Symptoms:

1. Formerly eager writers now consider creative writing a burden or hassle.
2. Members are too busy, tired, or sick to write, or to act as part of a team.
3. Challenges such as deadlines are cited as sources of unbearable stress.
4. Socializing trumps writing.
5. Members bring nice wines to every meeting and make sure to uncork and start drinking before the arrival of the wet blanket who thinks writers shouldn't drink before workshops. (Full disclosure: That's me. With Scorpio rising, what else can I do?)
6. Members claim to have transcended the form of worldliness known as ambition.
7. Members unable to complete a 12-page essay begin to talk about writing a book-length murder mystery.
8. Oprah is always present in word or spirit.
9. Books most often cited are self-help books.
10. Nobody in the group says anything about any of this, because it wouldn't be nice!

*See also: Entropy, Spring Fever, Menopause, Gettin' Old, and Unconscious Privilege.