Friday, January 22, 2010

Bio No-Nos

Make your bio clever or noble today, and cringe tomorrow. When writing a bio, ALWAYS play it conservative. Or hope your editors will advise you to use your creative powers, wit, and politics as fuel for your art – not your bio.

“XX is a socialist feminist who believes the Amerikan capitalist system is…”

“XX recommends the chili.” (thanks, Gaye Gambell-Peterson!)

“XX is the mother of five-year-old twin girls, Beth and Amy, and two-year-old Laurie…”

“Once I believed that poetry was something to distract my human companion, so I could knock pens off her desk and swish my tail under her nose...I write for felines everywhere! And I write in form because the anarchic spirit of all cats is an explosive force that needs something powerful to contain it.”

“XX thanks Our Lord Jesus Christ…”

“XX’s memoir in this issue is part of a just-released 10-CD boxed set of interviews with three generations of family, with a companion volume of exciting vintage photographs. . .”

“XX was born.”

“XX in fifth grade won a prize for a composition, and ever since…”

“XX wonders why you are reading this.”

“Every day, XX fires up his Apple IIe and…”

“Vote now for XX’s poem by texting 90095”

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